dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
PANTIES FOUND
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