She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
