if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
tell your sister to shave her snatch
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
