Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
