so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
