It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Found the puke drawer
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
