Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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