You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
