please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
