so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
