and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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