i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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