I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
