i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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