do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize