i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
