Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
