hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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