Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
