Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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