I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
