i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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