these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Your penis caused this!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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