I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
