We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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