No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
