I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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