My hand turned me down
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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