toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
