I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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