seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
