oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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