Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize