I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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