im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
