She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
