honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
