i think my mom watched the whole time
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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