Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
