The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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