i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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