Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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