I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
