everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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