Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
