I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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