Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
