I can't breathe out the right side of my face
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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