I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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