Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
