Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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