What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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