why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
