Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
