Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
