i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
