An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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