my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
