if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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