so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
