eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
