Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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