I want to walk on stilts...naked
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
