did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
