Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
