Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
