Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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