Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
