i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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