Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
