Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
