I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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