The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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