I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Randomize
